Log in

No account? Create an account

I have no game

Jan. 29th, 2007 | 09:37 pm
mood: anxious anxious
music: Crazy Little Thing Called Love

Seriously..what's it with me and short guys?
I'm 5' fucking 10"
but he's cute
And nice
And he is going to avaition school.
haha...oooh boy.
I dunno if this is gonig anywhere..last time I thought something was happening
I got a little twisted around.
Damn 22 year olds.

The End

Dec. 27th, 2006 | 07:51 am
mood: happy happy
music: straylightrun

Mitch is right. since when did I become "The girl to cries over a guy"
That's jsut not me.
Me is getting right back into the world and putting a smile on my face.
It may also include an eating disorder here and there*something i have grown accustomed too*
But i am the girl who takes everything with a grain of salt
I am tough as nails
I don't cry like a baby
I am happy
I love my friend
I love my life
I love boys
It's time to pick myself back up.
What Brendon did was not okay
It was the worst thing someone could do
But i am ready to be Alexz again
No more moping
No more being sad
MMM...and then there's the very cute boy i am planning for a lovely New Years kiss this year.
I am happy.
...and i have really bad cotton mouth
Hookah parties make me smile.

Truth..I have nothing real to say anymore

Nov. 7th, 2006 | 04:19 am
mood: tired tired
music: Jack Johnson

The thing is
Everytime I try and post on this piece of shit
I ask myself why
I have nothing diufferent
Life is great
HE is great..I love him
..he's making collge decisions hard
And so are my parents
they want me to stay here
I could stay
Besides my 1/2 off tuition I could get a scholarship.
That would be nice
But i also want to leave
i want to be free
but i gues I'm moving out asap.
I guess noone is ever really free in collge..unbless of course, you're finacially independant.
But everything is great...
Kind of boring?
I DID however figure out what has been spiralling me into uncotrolable random sad thoughts
And crying outbursts
Hooray for Birh Control
..considerring I';ve been on it for three years...and JUST figured this out

thankyouverymuch Ms. Dumbass


Oct. 13th, 2006 | 04:27 pm
mood: tired tired
music: MCR

I don't get why peopel think getting my haircut every seven weeks in obsessive.
It needs to be cut every seven weeks.
plus it's fun to have a new look every few months
It jsut needs a haircut by then.

(no subject)

Oct. 1st, 2006 | 07:22 pm

I remember this feeling...
It's called being hungry.
I'm doing it again.

stress is not the best!

Sep. 7th, 2006 | 08:45 pm
mood: cranky cranky
music: Hellogoodbye

I absoultely love him.
My Modeling pictures turned out HORRIBLE
and he was there reassurring me that everything would be fine.
and it was the photographers fault- not mine.
I can't wait to see him tommorrow night.
I'm so lost without him durring the week.
But it works because it give me my time with the girls.
Cam mentioned something about the begining of sumemr in Human Relations today.
I was SO embarrassed.
I wish I could erase that part of summer
But i deserve what I get.
I still feel horrible.
I am glad i have brendon now.
He's everything to me.
I love it.

Senior Year

Aug. 28th, 2006 | 05:14 pm
mood: blah blah
music: FOB

School started
I'm glad my only hard class is AP English...but it's FIRST
and all my friends have a fiftyh period free- and so they will all leave anfd go play on Wednesdays..while i have stupid seventh period ><
I hope I can change that tho....
I felt like crying today...I'm a senior now and soon it's all gonig to be over
I miss him terribly *even though we spent all weekened together*
and he can't come down today
He is truely the only one to make me feel good.
For some reason I jsut felt lost today- like it was my first day of Judge aaaaalll over again.
This is lame. i can't even function
Oh well...here goes Senior year...

(no subject)

Aug. 10th, 2006 | 10:24 am
mood: calm calm
music: Underoath

Brendon is amazing
I never thought i would end up here again
At least not now.
I was so perfectly content not having a boyfriend and doing what I please
But my life is more content now
My life is a whirlwind of rainbows and non-stop sunshine with him
I am floating
And things seem like they will never go wrong
But I am nervous for school
I only see him about once or twice a week..maybe more if I'm lucky
When school starts..when ski season starts what am I going to do
Park City is not a drive I want to be taking once a week jsut to see him for a few hours
I do that now...but now is summer-
Its easier to drive
I hate driving in snow
Mostly...I don't
But I hope we can last
Because I am not planning on keaving him any time soon
He's perfect.
Absolutely perfect.

love again

Aug. 5th, 2006 | 01:58 pm
mood: thoughtful thoughtful
music: Metric

It surpising how easy it is to love again
After you lost someone you truely beleived you love
I have no idea how I got involved so greatly
all I know is that Brendon in the world to me
I'm having the most amazing summer. EVER

College...I guess

Jul. 23rd, 2006 | 12:39 pm
mood: apathetic apathetic

For some reason it really bugs me
that my parents jsut offered me
$1000 a month, a new car
and the chance to see then whenver I please *as long as I call them weekly*
to go to the U

...and now on Tuesday I have to go to Washington and Oregon to look at colleges
I want to go away
But maybe staying here wouldn't kill me
afterall...everyone I know is here

I guess my parents wil lget what they want
They get to keep me here- on their financial leash
I will never get to know what it feels like to live off cap'n crunch
Because they won't let me

I hate missing warped

Jul. 22nd, 2006 | 12:46 pm
mood: angry angry
music: the sounds

The Sounds go on at 1
i'mleaving for work now to work at 1
fuck this shit
I wish I was at warped tour
at least I've seen them play already
for 2 hours- in stead of 30 minutes
at least Brendon will make my life better
seriously- he treats me like a princess- who does that anymore?!
I love it- he's amazing
he jsut lives too fucking far
park city is no fun to drive to and from- for the both of us
but we do it anyway

You be my star- I'll be your shelter

Jul. 12th, 2006 | 12:23 pm
music: The Scene Aesthetic

Why can't this be easy
I hate hurting people
Especially him.
But for some reason Brendon seemed like what I needed
But i regret that there will be nomore nights where Payl would come over- take me to dinner- listen to me talk for hours on end and then eventually fall asleep on my bed with me
I miss that so much.
I don't even know what I want
But two great guys is always going to equal trouble
I'm going insane- I don't know what i want....
I want both of them
I want Paul's goofiness
and Brendon's sweetness
But in the end i had to pick
I jsut don't want to lose them both...

(no subject)

Jun. 29th, 2006 | 12:23 pm
mood: thoughtful thoughtful
music: The Fray

I guess popularity has it's prices.
I took a break from the party scene last night
I think seeing Jimmy was the one true thing I needed most
I told him everything that had been going on
He never judged me once- not even for the one thing I thought he might judge me on
He was upset- but he got over it
Having my Jimmy time made me realize how important his friendship is to me
He will always be there-no matter what happens
Where as my other "friends" could drop me like a dime at any second
I know I have those few good friends who will care about me no matter what
And the sad thing to admit is- Jimmy is my odlest friend
He is there no matter what
Because when I eventually get over the party scene and the blank faces of friends
It comes down to him and a few others
Last night was what I needed
Because through the popularity and the boys
There is the few true people who will never leave

Ride The Lights

Jun. 24th, 2006 | 12:20 pm
mood: calm calm
music: Morningwood

Oh dear-
looks like I have already gotten myself into a deep ditch
Actually 2
Well- 1.) I forget- boys talk. Yuck. Can't go back in time- jsut have to soften up
2.) 2 guys falling for me. quickly and hard. I like them both- but I dunno, I don't think I'm quite ready for a relationship- or to choose
Time to think fast
I'll jsut see where this takes me
And hope that nobody hates me *didn't mean to create a lame-o ryme there*

I'm not asking you who's been helping you fall asleep

Jun. 15th, 2006 | 09:58 pm
mood: bored bored
music: Daphney loves Derby

it seems so weird to think that i may actually get a full nights sleep
I mean no one has called me to inquie about comming over
but- it is only 10
fuck. it's early- too early to be home
Prarie Home Companion is a terrible movie

oull the trigger ant the nightmare stops

Jun. 10th, 2006 | 08:27 am
mood: sick sick
music: coheed

So we all know that I don't hold alcohol
5 shots of tequilla and a shot of whisky pretty much killed me
And I'm up WAY too early
and i'm still a little drunk
And i need to go have a meeting with my modeling agency in 3.5 hours
Fuck. i need my mommy to make coffee

(no subject)

Jun. 4th, 2006 | 04:33 pm
mood: curious curious
music: The Subways

Cigarette smell is hard to get rid of
It only takes a shower to get it out of your clothes/your hair/ your pores
But I still smell it
And I still smell the beer from last night
And the sent of mischief
The only question I have is
What do I do
Or do I even have to do anything
Will life simply work itself out for me
And in the end there will noly be one
In the past I have been way to quick in eager
Now I wonder if I sit back and let my life play out
Then the true person I am meant to be with will be the last one standing
But I don't even know if I want people to go away
I like the idea of meeting new people everyday
And forgetting their names after only a second
But them remembering then again
I like not having to worry about boyfriends and relationships
And jsut...being

But what do i really want?
Sure there is ciggarette smoke and late night partying, but then there is also parties without all of that just being yourself to influence decisions, and then there is the grey area inbetween- where I don't always know what is going on, but i know it's going on for me.

I think I only understand this post
And eventually I won't even be able to recognize it.

IU guess right now I can have my cigarette smoke and late night partying, then the straight-edge lifestyle, and then the grey inbetween.

But eventually I will have to pick...will I?

I feel evil

May. 31st, 2006 | 10:01 pm
mood: flirty flirty
music: Blondie

Boys can kind of suck
But i'm over it.
I can get over him.
It's not really his fault if he doesn't want to commit
I feel a tad used
But I will get over it
And he will wish he still had me


how evil am I...?

Your looking skinny like a model...

May. 22nd, 2006 | 04:42 pm
mood: tired tired
music: The Shins

I have come to the conclusion...
I lead guys on

I only really want one guy right now
But i'm getting mixed messages
I know he likes me, bUt at some points I worry

So i lead on other guys, I flirt and I kiss on the cheek
I know i have my ways, and I should probably change

But I don't think I'll be happy till I get the guy I want in a relationship with me.

(no subject)

May. 20th, 2006 | 12:03 pm
mood: ecstatic ecstatic
music: Goo Goo Dolls

Last night = AMAZING

and I only got 3.5 hours of sleep because Mitch is so fucking cool!

...I love my life!